


Now and Always

by foundmyhome



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Comfort, F/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-31
Updated: 2015-01-31
Packaged: 2018-03-09 18:51:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3260630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foundmyhome/pseuds/foundmyhome
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His heart was going to beat out of his goddamn chest.  He hadn’t felt this way in a long time; hadn’t felt this fear, curling up his spine, filling his stomach, wrapping its arms around his heart and squeezing.  He couldn’t breathe and, if he stopped a moment to think, he wasn’t sure he wanted to.  She smiled, then, and he groaned.  Emma Swan was going to kill him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Now and Always

His heart was going to beat out of his goddamn chest.

“Bloody fucking hell,” he hissed, pushing off of the wall. His hand was shaking, his hook pressed harshly against his back. He hadn’t felt this way in a long time; hadn’t felt this fear, curling up his spine, filling his stomach, wrapping its arms around his heart and squeezing. He couldn’t breathe and, if he stopped a moment to think, he wasn’t sure he wanted to.

Emma Swan, he was sure, was the angel of death.

She sat with her back against the cabin wall, facing away from him. Her hair cloaked her, just the jut of her chin and the tip of her nose peaking out in front of the golden curtains. The curls fell past her shoulders, brushing against the skin near her elbows. He wanted to twist his fingers in them, touch her velvety soft skin and feel her satin hair. She was a goddess, an angel, a siren. She was a dream. She was perfection.

“Any help for a lady?” Emma lifted an arm, extending it towards him. He studiously ignored the way his feet stumbled to get to her, keeping his hook far away, his fingers softly closing around her wrist.

“Anything for milady,” he murmured. His heart was hammering loudly, much too loudly, and he felt panic rising in the back of his throat. She was so close to him; her hand in his, her eyes capturing his own, her lips only inches away--he was a gentleman, but he was a gentleman in terrible love. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could stand so close to Emma without her truly in his arms.

“Such a kind pirate,” Emma joked. She used her free hand to push a chunk of hair behind her ear; Killian nearly passed out at the new patch of bare skin it exposed.

You’re a goddamn pirate, Jones, he scolded himself. He had been around women before; loads and loads of women, in fact. He was, to put it mildly, extremely experienced. He wasn’t a blushing virgin, scandalized by a woman’s bare ankle or shoulder. He was a ruthless, innuendo-and-blood soaked pirate. He ought to start acting like one.

“Emma,” he began, raising an eyebrow. He already had the words climbing into his mouth, the smirk already pulling his lips, but when she raised her eyes to his again and he saw her pink lips spread in an expectant smile, he melted. The words died on his lips and new ones quickly replaced them. “What can I do for you, love?”

Emma grinned, a wide, toothy smile that made Killian’s heart seize and his whole body fill with an indescribable warmth. She held his hand more firmly, pulling him towards the back of the cabin. When they reached the bed, she dropped onto it, patting the mattress beside her. “Take a seat, Captain.”

Killian swallowed. “Aye, Princess.” He sat next to her, carefully maneuvering his hook beneath his leg. She frowned and used both hands to pull at his elbow. When he resisted, Emma huffed, throwing one leg over his lap and propelling herself up until she was straddling him.

Seeing his eyes widen with surprise, Emma yanked at his arm again until his hook rested against her hip. “Stay,” she commanded.

Killian complied. Scratching behind his ear, he glanced at Emma. His eyebrows were drawn low, his lips pulled tight together. Gods, she was beautiful.

Emma sat above him, looking down with the smallest of smiles on her face. Killian didn’t know what he did to deserve her; he was positive nothing he had ever done had made him worthy. But he vowed at that moment, with her smile for him and her arms on his neck, that he would do everything he could to deserve her; that he would spend every day of his life becoming worthy. He had made the vow a thousand times before and when she dropped lower, placing a gentle kiss across his forehead, Killian knew he would make it a thousand more.

“Killian,” she ran her hands up and down his neck, running her nails through the stubble on his jaw. “What’s wrong?”

His eyes popped open and he wondered faintly when he closed them. Emma’s hands move closer to the nape of his neck, her fingers splaying and sliding through the bottom of his hair. “Everything is perfect,” he answered, honestly.

Emma smiled and placed a kiss at the corner of his mouth. “Yeah. It is.” She leaned back, crossing her arms across her chest. “So why is it that something is wrong?”

Killian sighed; he should have known better than try to hide something from his Swan. She’d always read him perfectly, as he had her; especially after the Crocodile’s manipulation went unnoticed, Emma had taken care to give Killian her full and prompt attention.

Which, until now, had been exactly what he had always wanted.

Emma moved off of him, walking until she was at the desk, before turning and leaning against the wood. With a hesitation that was so unlike his Swan, she asked him, “Is it--Is this about what Regina set earlier?”

“Regina?” Killian was surprised she was even mentioning her. The bloody queen was always so full of snide remarks and inputs that he mostly just tuned her out. “I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about.”

Emma huffed and gestured between them. “You know--when she called you my, um, puppy dog? She was mocking us, or well, not us but...” Emma trailed off, blushing.  
Killian laughed. “Oh, that? Well, it was hardly nice for her to compare me to a pet, love, but it wasn’t the most untrue thing she had ever said.”

This time, it was Emma’s turn to be surprised. “What?”

“Well, not with the household dog thing, Swan. Her intentions weren’t true but the general message behind it was. I do tend to stick around you and more often than not, I do as you say.”

Emma glared, blushing. She grabbed his arm, pulling him off the bed and pushing his chest lightly. “You don’t do what I say!”

Killian shrugged. “I’m a pirate, love. I do what I want.”

Emma’s shoulder’s dropped. “Right, exactly--”

“Which, usually,” he grinned, “is what you say. I like to make you happy.”

Emma rolled her eyes. “If Regina wasn’t it-” her expression told him that she remained unconvinced of this fact, but he nodded to assure her. “Then what is wrong, Killian?”

The light bubbles that had filled him from their joking exchange evaporated quickly. In it’s place returned a thick, terrifying smoke that threatened to choke him entirely.

“I'm-I have something to tell you, Emma.” Her eyes widened and the panic from before returned. It was too soon. She wouldn’t want to hear what he needed to say; this could ruin everything, could ruin them, irrevocably.

But the words were dancing behind his lips, thickening his tongue and clouding his judgement. From the moment his heart was haphazardly shoved into his chest, he could hear them-the words-loud and angry and so damn important. He wasn’t sure he could hold them inside of himself much longer. He wasn’t sure he was strong enough to hide the truth from her any longer.

“Is that why we’re on this boat?” She gestured to the cabin around her. “Home court advantage?”

Killian shrugged one shoulder, smiling. “ I do feel a certain comfort closer to the water.”

He moved closer to her, leaning on the desk by her side. He slid his fingers in her hand, a small comfort he had come to rely on and desire. She offered him a smile, more tentative than the one that stopped his heart, but one that speeds it up all the same.

“When I was on top of that clock tower-” he began.

“Killian, don’t-”

“Please, Emma. I need to tell you this.” He waited, hoping that she would agree; with her nod, he continued. “When I was on top of that clock tower, I wasn’t afraid to die. I’m an old man, Emma. I’ve lived a long life; I’ve loved and I’ve hated and I’ve felt the purest joys and the worst sorrows. I wasn’t afraid of it.

“But what I was afraid of, Emma, was losing you; of you losing me. I was petrified at the thought of a world where we are not together, where you were left alone because of my foolishness.” Her eyes were wide and she whispered his name, but he didn’t stop to let her speak. He brought her hand to his lips, kissed it softly, and continued: “I didn’t want to leave this world, love, without you knowing the truth.”

“The truth? Killian, please-”

“Emma, I love you. Wholly and entirely, more than the sea or the stars, I love you. For three hundred years, I lived in complete revenge and terror in order to appease my loss; but that feels like a different lifetime, a different man. You are the lightest part of my life. You are the brightest part of me. I can’t imagine a world or realm or reality without you or Henry and I swear to you, as long as I live, no one will ever find out-”

Emma eyes widened, a crinkle forming at the edge of her brow, and a pout decorated her lips. To Killian’s surprise, her eyes flickered gold and he felt himself propel forward quickly until he stood only inches in front of her.

“Swan!” He exclaimed. She closed her eyes, the sweet smile falling from her lips. It was more than Killian ever expected; this declaration, the one he knew he had to say, was more than he had ever offered to Emma. Though they both had known for what felt like years about his love, telling her took a thick weight off of his shoulders. But that Emma had heard him, had understood him, and wanted to keep him close by-even if Emma could never utter the words, this would be enough. She knew he was in it, forever, the long haul, and she wanted him closer; the thought made his heart swell inside his chest.

“Sorry, Killian, I just--”

His lips caught hers, a soft dance he didn’t even try to lead. “Don’t apologize for taking what you what, love,” he murmured, winking. The worry left Emma’s expression and she grinned, raising her arm slowly before flickering her wrist. The lights dimmed and the covers threw off the bed.

“Subtle,” he laughed. Emma blushed, settling in the middle of the bed. She flipped her hair, shoving it behind her shoulders, and cocked her head to the side.

“Killian, please join me.” His nervousness returned, stronger than ever. Her tongue darted out of her mouth, brushing over her lips before they spread into a glorious smile. “Big bad Captain Hook is afraid of me?”

Killian’s hackles raised and he shrugged off his thick leather coat. “Not bloody likely,” he growled, throwing himself next to her on the bed. Emma laughed when he missed the graceful fall he was aiming for, and instead ending up nearly crashing into her.

“Hello to you, too,” she teased. The breath rushed out of his lungs and he slipped his fingers into the hair at the nape of her neck, pulling her closer.

“Emma,” he breathed. She tilted her head, watching him expectantly.

His eyes flickered across her face. He pushed closer to her; she slid farther away, her hands clenched around the material of his shirt, until her back was against the wall. His fingers urged her head closer to his, his other arm sliding behind her until his hook was pressed tight between the small of her back and the cool wall. “I’m going to kiss you now,” he warned.

Emma’s teeth enveloped her bottom lip; she let it go with a pop. “Better hurry,” she murmured.

It was positively explosive.

One hand tightened around the bundle of his shirt, the fabric giving away to her strength and ripping. Her free arm wrapped around his torso, pulling him closer to her. Their lips worked together, quick and harsh. He was positively sure that their lips would be red and bruised for days. Emma threw her leg over his hip, pulling him closer to her. When their bodies connected, he let out a shattered groan, the feeling too good to even be embarrassed by the sounds coming out of his throat.

He flipped her, laying her across the bed. Her golden hair was splayed across the pillow, fanning out around her face. He covered her body with his, tracing the outline of her jaw with his lips.

When his lips dipped down lower, his teeth running across the smooth skin of her neck, she let out a moan. His whole body seemed to shutter, harden, her sounds replaying in his mind a thousand times over. He went to work across her neck, licking and nipping at the gentle skin. She payed him with more of her sweet sounds, soft moans and little whimpers that Killian wanted to draw from her pretty lips every day.

“Killian, please,” Emma tugged at his shirt. Her eyes were wide and unfocused, her voice sounding completely wrecked.

But Killian had never had a reputation for being merciful. “What do you want, love?” He punctuated his question with the cool metal of his hook, slipping around the material of her dress and ripping down it. He dipped lower, closer to her, balancing himself with his knees and an elbow, his good hand trailing up her thigh, playing softly with the material of her dress. He bunched it into his hand, pushing it slowly up. Her whole body squirmed, soft pleases littering the room. Killian hadn’t truly drank with the unabashed glee that used to permeate his life for months; but now, at this moment, with his beautiful Swan beneath him and without a drop of alcohol in him, Killian felt immensely drunk.

“I want you,” Emma declared. She closed her eyes and flickered both wrists, and suddenly he was beneath her, his arms stretching up, his two wrists bound together by her long fingers. Her other hand was tracing down his torso, which he noticed was now completely bare. All of his clothes, save the snug boxers that he had finally invested in, were mysteriously missing. He hoped she had the foresight to keep them on the boat, but watching her grin smugly from above him, her body stretched deliciously across him, he was positive he would do anything to keep her there: even walk across bloody Storybrooke stark naked.

Killian twisted his hips, jutting upwards. He saw stars, and by Emma’s wrecked expression, he was sure she did too.

“Killian,” the hand bounding his wrists disappeared. Emma leaned farther away, rocking back against her heels. She remained above him but her bravado disappeared; her eyes were lowered, her lower lip twisted beneath her teeth. The vulnerability that she tried so desperately to hide appeared, and Killian raised himself closer to her, twirling her until he was sitting upright, her body on top of his lap.

“I love you, Emma.” He repeated. The words sounded so much better now, now that he knew she would accept them. “Truly, darling. I love you today, and I loved you yesterday, and I swear I’ll love you tomorrow.”

Her face flushed and he, in that moment, hated Baelfire. He was furious at who that little boy became, at how he hurt this shining angel of a woman. He wished he could go back, be better, help Baelfire; perhaps if he was better, then the man Emma once met and was betrayed by would have been better.

She leaned down, placing her lips delicately against his. He kissed her back with equal tenderness until her hands, which had been sliding slowly down his chest, dipped beneath his boxers. He gasped, his mouth widely opening and his head thrown back. Her fingers deftly played with the soft curls beneath his waist band, her mouth placing kisses across his neck.

“Emma!” His voice sounded distraught, broken, even to his own ears. He struggled to keep his eyes open, to take in every image. Her curls fell over her shoulders, skimming his skin; her darkened green eyes watching his every move. She twisted her body, sliding lower down his, until her shoulders were only inches above his hips. She looked up at him, pausing until his eyes focused on hers. Then, in what he swore was the most unfair fashion possible, she licked her lips, winked, and tore his boxers down his legs.

“Bloody hell.” Every thought Killian had flew out of his mind, his every nerve set on fire when her mouth descended onto him.

It was sweeter than anything he had ever felt. Better than anything he could have ever imagined. She worked him with a gleeful quickness, her mouth sliding up and down while her tongue lavished over every bit it could reach. The inches that didn’t easily fit into her spread lips were covered by her hand, fingers wrapped carefully around the base. Her hair dipped around them, softly tickling the parts of his thigh that it reached.

He was positively drowning.

“Please,” he choked out. Her eyes widened a little at his gasping breathes, but she didn’t stop the ministrations. “Love, please.”

Her cheeks hollowed, her head twisting until nearly all of him was covered by her soft warmth. He cursed, his head throwing back again, eyes clenching shut. His hand was fisted in her golden curls, his hook high above his head.

“I want all of you.” He wasn’t sure how he managed to get a full sentence out. He wasn’t even sure that he did. But Emma stopped, pulling off and away from him. He would deny it until his last breath, but Killian wasn’t positive he didn’t whimper a little at the loss.

She slid up higher on him, pulling her dress off quickly and tossing it off the bed. Killian grabbed her hip tightly, grinned, and flipped them. Grinning down at her, he licked his lips.

“I believe it’s my turn to have a little fun,” his voice was low and rough. He punctuated his sentence by wrapping his lips around her collarbone and sucking hard. She jerked up, closer to him, her moan permeating the room.

When she sighed his name, it was blissful. Killian couldn’t remember ever being so thoroughly in love, ever wanting or needing another person more than he did right now. He hooked his fingers underneath her panties, pulling them softly down her legs. She lifted her hips, helping, and he gently tossed them off the bed near her dress.

Emma reached for him, fingers tightening around his hips as she guided him towards her.

“Eager, darling?” He teased, dipping his head lower, his tongue peaking out between lips. She raised an eyebrow at him, smiling.

“Complaining, Captain?”

“Never,” Killian promised.

She smiled broadly, leaning up on her elbows to look at him. “Then hurry up.”

He opened his mouth to respond, witty words and an innuendo laced comeback painting his tongue, but a groan slipped out instead when she wrapped her hand around him, guiding him between her legs. She shifted, grinning. When he slid inside of her, their moans were decorated by the bursting of the lamp on the desk.

“Gods,” he hissed. He was entirely on fire. His whole body was being licked by flames, his heart hammering wildly in his chest. He had dreamt of this, of Emma, for so long. He had thought of a hundred different possibilities and scenarios. None even came close to touching the real thing.

“You’re a bloody marvel, Swan,” he groaned.

He worked faster, his hips slamming against hers. She rolled her hips, lifting up as she met his every thrust. He could barely breathe, could barley get enough air into his lungs. She was a siren, an angel; she was his salvation and his death. He would, at that moment, at any moment, do anything for him.

Her release caught him by surprise; the clenching of her walls, her expression wrecked, nails digging harshly into his back. He moved harder, faster, fucking into her with every bit of himself as he chased after her, her desperate pleas and shuttered moans coaxing him closer.

“Fuck,” he cursed. His head fell against her breast, his lips pressing out to kiss the flesh beneath him. His hips stuttered against hers, her legs tightening around him as he rode out his own release. “Emma, Emma,” Killian muttered her name, again and again, grasping onto it as if it was the only thing tethering him to Earth. He was irrevocably broken and finally whole, all at once.

Afterwards, with her head cushioned against his chest, his fingers twirling her blonde hair, he heard her sigh, happily.

“Swan?” He kissed the top of her head.

“Mmm,” she tightened her arms that wrapped around his waist.

“I love you.”

He could feel her grin press into his skin, her stretched lips and happy blush. “I love you, too.”


End file.
